Of all the things my girlfriends and I talk about, sex is almost NEVER a topic.
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Occasionally, usually in a one-on-one conversation, a girlfriend will open up to me about her sex life. Anyone who knows me, knows that I will pretty much talk about anything, so I’m always down for a good sex talk.
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Here’s what I have learned: Most of us really don’t feel like doing it a whole lot. And by a whole lot, I mean pretty much almost never.
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Here’s the part where I have to ask you to refrain from telling me about how you can’t get enough of your partner and you practically attack him the second he walks in the door. Good for you. And him.
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What I’m saying is, most of us don’t have the same sex drive that we did before we became mothers. Don’t worry. It’s totally normal. The best thing we can do is share our experiences and try to help one another. So…..
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Here are seven reasons why new moms might have no interest in sex:
1. Breastfeeding
When you are lactating, your estrogen levels are very low. It’s like your body is in menopause. Even the act of just holding a baby makes your hormones drop. It’s nature’s little way of ensuring their survival by making sure that you won’t do anything that will make a sibling for them any time soon.
2. Lack of sleep
Sleep trumps sex. Period.
3. Post baby body
Even if you have returned to your pre-baby size, you may feel differently about your body – especially if you are nursing or had a difficult delivery.
4. How involved/helpful your partner is
I have been known to say that doing the dishes counts as foreplay. Partners need to step up and act like supportive members of the household. Mothers don’t feel like having sex with a partner who acts like a child. They feel like putting them in the corner for a time out.
5. Where your baby sleeps
It’s hard to have sexy time when you have the baby in the bed.
6. How consumed you are with motherhood
Take time for yourself. Work on a non-child related hobby. Have a glass of wine with your girlfriends. Reconnect with your pre-mommy self. You were a person before you had children. And that person felt like having sex. Get to know her again.
7. Baby blues/postpartum depression
Enough said. Talk to your doctor as soon as possible.
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Finally, you may never feel like jumping your partner’s bones like you used to. That’s ok. Having children changes everything about a relationship. You are both parents now and you need to rediscover each other in a completely new way. It’s really, really hard and everyone goes through this struggle. It will take time, but you will get your groove back.
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I’m no expert and I’m certainly not a doctor. If you think something is medically wrong with you, then I suggest you discuss it with a professional. I can only give you my advice, which is based on my own personal experience.
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The best thing you can do is be open and honest with your partner about how you are feeling. Having children is stressful on a relationship and lack of sex can compound the issue. Healthy communication and positive reinforcement may be just what you need to get back in the saddle again.
